Love Shouldn't Hurt - RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES!
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Therese' Story~Love Shouldn't Hurt!
RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES!Yes...he shot me right between the eyes.
{{Song = Amazing by: Janelle Reinhart}}
~Welcome!~
       ~Improving our world,
       only with YOUR help,
        one mind at a time
              Starting with you.... 
  
 
BE the CHANGE
you wish to see in our World...
   ~{gandhi}~
I'm making MY change by asking YOU to take just a few minutes of your time to help me:
 
 
 
~BREAK THE SILENCE!~
~STOP THE VIOLENCE!~
(the Silence Hides Violence pins are no longer available through any website I've searched. I will continue to try to locate a jeweler or company to start crafting them and will let all know once I've been successful in doing so.)
     In our World, Violence within family units, between loved one's (intimate partner violence, , and elder abuse) AND interpersonal violence
(teenagers/dating abuse/rape) has reached
EPIDEMIC proportions!
In 2010, in SC alone, 44 deaths directly related to Domestic Violence were reported!
If you know someone IN trouble NOW & For ANY true emergencies, of course, call 911 or your local police!
~ We NEED YOUR Help!~
~We can't do it alone.~
PLEASE HELP US IN ENDING ALL TYPES OF VIOLENCE!

To anyone experiencing any type of abuse:  "Don't ask yourself if you love them... ask yourself if you TRUST them. If the answer is No, then #1 Make a safety plan and follow it to the letter! #2 Get away and stay away! You are worth far more than that type of treatment! I did NOT make a safety plan...that is why I have a bullet in my head! Most do not survive!"

Common Myth
If it were that bad, She would just leave.
FACT: Neuroscientists are starting to find that repeated abuse actually changes the brain. Intimate partner violence can affect the way a woman thinks, making her more prone to being withdrawn, forgetful, and so stuck in negative thinking that she can't see how a situation can improve.
Me Before the Shooting (Just below)
the Post and Courier
the day after the shooting!
  I created this site to bring to the general public's AWARENESS that Interpersonal Violence and Sexual Assault (of which domestic violence is ONE) has become an epidemic in our society!

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The National Domestic Violence Hotline  (www.thehotline.org) is a powerful weapon in the fight against abuse. It is anonymous & untraceable!  
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship whether it be male/female, young/old (this includes teenagers!),
call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
This number can and will link you to the nearest domestic violence center in your area. The first step is picking up the phone and calling for help!  KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
Please, I beg of you, take that first step! (Further resources listed at bottom of this page)
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Patrick Stewart is one of DV's strongest supporters as he himself is a product of a DV filled homelife since his birth! 
"The truth is that domestic violence and violence against women touch many of us. This violence is not a private matter. Behind closed doors it is shielded and hidden and it only intensifies. It is protected by silence – everyone's silence. Violence against women is learned. Each of us must examine - and change - the ways in which our own behavior might contribute to, enable, ignore or excuse all such forms of violence. I promise to do so, and to invite other men and allies to do the same." - Patrick Stewart
 
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HEALING PLACE HOME has made a short, yet poignant video about Domestic Violence, please take just 1 minute and 43 seconds of your time to watch this...
        ~Domestic Violence ~ 
       ~  CYCLES OF ABUSE ~
   **Research shows that there are three (3) stages or cycles of abuse: (i) Child Abuse then Teen Violence/Abuse linked to family, relationship or peer cruelty; (ii) the middle-aged population faced with spousal or perhaps work-related aggression, and finally (iii) the elderly, a highly vulnerable population largely dependent upon care from others
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Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviors (manipulation) and tactics used by one person over another to gain power and control. This may include , financial abuse, emotional, sexual, and physical abuse. (Physical abuse is the only acknowledged form of abuse currently. 

Domestic and Interpersonal violence cross all ethnic, racial and socio-economic lines. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together or separated. Emotional / psychological abuse can be extremely damaging, and some report that it’s worse than physical abuse. (I agree completely with this last statement having been a victim of both from the same man... the emotional and verbal abuse I"m still healing from over 13 years worth whereas the physical violence stopped very early on in our relationship because I told him I wasn't going to stand around and be hit! Of course, little did I realize what the end result {12 years later} would be! Hindsight is EVER 20/20!)
Family is not a name for a group of people, but the QUALITY of relationships between them. Relationships grounded in mutual Love, Trust, Caring and Forgiveness, in all the ups and downs of life. Look closely, - who is really your family, and who in truth are just strangers and abusers in for the ride.

 
  On Sunday, February 21, 2010, I was a victim of criminal domestic violence (CDV). In the end, from about five feet away, he pointed a 25 caliber pistol at my face and stated, "If I can't have you, NO ONE CAN!" And then he pulled the trigger and my head exploded!  - He, quite literally, Shot Me Right Between the eyes!  I was told he then walked a few feet away and took his own life! He was NOT a "bad" person when I met him. He was caring and loving and would've given you the shirt off his back!  But he was human and made mistakes. (so did I, but I did NOT deserve to be shot!).  As we grow older, sometimes we make bad choices...and then Life just goes downhill from there!
    IN MAINE JUST LAST YEAR (2011): 
            
 
~CLICK HERE TO SEE Ten (10) Signs that a teenager is suffering from Dating/Verbal abuse~ 
     
  

              "WHAT CAN WE DO?"      You ask?
LEARN and become AWARE, please and thank you!
Become knowledgeable about interpersonal violence and what you can do to help stop it! BE the change you wish to see in our World!
        KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
     Open your eyes AND your mind!  Only with an open and non-judgmental mind; with understanding, acknowledgment AND compassion can WE, as a society, begin to accept the FACT that domestic violence and abuse happens to men, women and children (as well as elderly), of all colors and creeds, all professions and family structures, regardless of socio-economic factors (money/status), age, marital status or sexual orientation. 
   ~ STOP JUDGING ~ 
    ~START LOVING~  
These numbers are over a decade old: One in four women (25%) has experienced domestic violence in her lifetime (this is just the reported cases of DOMESTIC PHYSICAL violence to WOMEN!) (The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and The National Institute of Justice, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence, July 2000. The Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman’s Lifespan: 1998 Survey of Women’s Health, 1999).
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
(At home, in school, everywhere ~ from Parents, Teachers, everyone)
If children live with criticism,
they learn to condemn.
(Bullying included!)
If children live with hostility,
they learn to fight.        
If children live with ridicule,
they learn to be shy.       
If children live with shame,
they learn to feel guilty,
If children live with tolerance,
they learn to be patient.
If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.
If children live with praise,
they learn to appreciate.
If children live with fairness,
they learn justice.
If children live with security,
they learn to have faith.
If children live with approval,
they learn to like themselves.
If children live with acceptance and friendship,
They learn to find LOVE in the world.  


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Remember knowledge is power!
If something doesn't "feel" right in your relationship, then it's NOT.
One of the most damaging personality disorders is the narcissist! 

"I was married to a Narcissist for 16 years. 
It's the closest thing there is to HELL ON EARTH"

from the Narcissism Book of Quotes 


1. THE PATHOLOGICAL LIAR is skillfully deceptive and very convincing. Avoids accountability by diverting topics, dodging questions, and making up new lies, bluffs or threats when questioned. His memory is self serving as he denies past statements. Constant chaos and diverting from reality is their chosen environment.
Defense Strategy: Verify his words. Do not reveal anything about yourself - he'll use it against you. Head for the door when things don't add up. Don't ask him questions - you'll only be inviting more lies. 

2. THE CONTRACT BREAKER agrees to anything then turns around and does the opposite. Marriage, Legal, Custody agreements, normal social/personal protocol are meaningless. This con artist will accuse you of being the contract breaker. Enjoys orchestrating legal action and playing the role of the 'poor me' victim. 
Defense Strategy: Expect him to disregard any agreement. Have Plan B in place. Protect yourself financially and emotionally. 

3. THE HIGH ROLLER Successfully plows and backstabs his way to the top. His family a disposable prop in his success facade. Is charismatic, eloquent and intelligent in his field, but often fakes abilities and credentials. Needs to have iron-fisted control, relying on his manipulation skills. Will ruthlessly support, exploit or target others in pursuit of his ever-changing agenda. Mercilessly abuses the power of his position. Uses treachery or terrorism to rule or govern. Potential problem or failure situations are delegated to others. A vindictive bully in the office with no social or personal conscience. Often suspicious and paranoid. Others may support him to further their own Mephistophelian objectives, but this wheeler-dealer leaves them holding the bag. Disappears quickly when consequences loom.
Defense Strategy: Keep your references and resume up to date. Don't get involved in anything illegal. Document thoroughly to protect yourself. Thwarting them may backlash with a cascade of retaliation. Be on the lookout and spot them running for office and vote them out. Educate yourself about corporate bullies

4. THE SEXUAL NARCISSIST is often hypersexual (male or female). Pornography, masturbation, incest are reported by his targets. Anything, anyone, young, old, male/female, are there for his gratification. This predator takes what is available. Can have a preference for 'sado-maso' sexuality. Often easily bored, he demands increasingly deviant stimulation. However, another behaviour exists, the one who withholds sex or emotional support.
Defense Strategy: Expect this type to try to degrade you. Get away from him. Expect him to tell lies about your sexuality to evade exposure of his own.

5. THE BLAME-GAME NARCISSIST never accepts responsibility. Blames others for his failures and circumstances. A master at projection.
Defense Strategy: Learn about projection.
 Don't take the bait when he blames you. He made the mess, let him clean it up.

6. THE VIOLENT NARCISSIST is a wife-Beater, Murderer, Serial Killer, Stalker, Terrorist. Has a 'chip-on-his-shoulder' attitude. He lashes out and destroys or uses others (particularly women and children) as scapegoats for his aggression or revenge. He has poor impulse control. Fearless and guiltless, he shows bad judgement. He anticipates betrayal, humiliation or punishment, imagines rejection and will reject first to 'get it over with'. He will harass and push to make you pay attention to him and get a reaction. He will try to make you look out of control. Can become dangerous and unpredictable. Has no remorse or regard for the rights of others. 
Defense Strategy: Don't antagonize or tip your hand you're leaving. Ask for help from the police and shelters.

7. THE CONTROLLER/MANIPULATOR pits people against each other. Keeps his allies and targets separated. Is verbally skillful at twisting words and actions. Is charismatic and usually gets his way. Often undermines our support network and discourages us from seeing our family and friends. Money is often his objective. Other people's money is even better. He is ruthless, demanding and cruel. This control-freak bully wants you pregnant, isolated and financially dependent on him. Appears pitiful, confused and in need of help. We rush in to help him with our finances, assets, and talents. We may be used as his proxy interacting with others on his behalf as he sets us up to take the fall or enjoys the performance he is directing.
Defense Strategy: Know the 'nature of the beast'. Facing his failure and consequences will be his best lesson. Be suspicious of his motives, and avoid involvement. Don't bail him out. 

8. THE SUBSTANCE ABUSER Alcohol, drugs, you name it, this N does it. We see his over-indulgence in food, exercise or sex and his need for instant gratification. Will want you to do likewise.
Defense Strategy: Don't sink to his level. Say No.

9. OUR "SOUL MATE" is cunning and knows who to select and who to avoid. He will come on strong, sweep us off our feet. He seems to have the same values, interests, goals, philosophies, tastes, habits. He admires our intellect, ambition, honesty and sincerity. He wants to marry us quickly. He fakes integrity, appears helpful, comforting, generous in his 'idealization' of us phase. It never lasts. Eventually Jekyll turns into Hyde. His discarded victims suffer emotional and financial devastation. He will very much enjoy the double-dipping attention he gets by cheating. We end the relationship and salvage what we can, or we are discarded quickly as he attaches to a "new perfect soul mate". He is an opportunistic parasite. Our "Knight in Shining Armor" has become our nightmare. Our healing is lengthy. 
Defense Strategy: Seek therapy.
 Learn about this disorder. Know the red flags of their behaviour, and "If he seems too good to be true..." Hide the hurt you feel. Never let him see it. Be watchful for the internet predator.
10. THE QUIET NARCISSIST is socially withdrawn, often dirty, unkempt. Odd thinking is observed. Used as a disguise to appear pitiful to obtain whatever he can.

11. THE SADIST is now the fully-unmasked malignant narcissist. His objective is watching us dangle as he inflicts emotional, financial, physical and verbal cruelty. His enjoyment is all too obvious. He'll be back for more. His pleasure is in getting away with taking other people's assets. His target: women, children, the elderly, anyone vulnerabie. 
Defense Strategy: Accept the Jekyll/Hyde reality. Make a "No Contact' rule. Avoid him altogether. End any avenue of vulnerability. Don't allow thoughts of his past 'good guy' image to lessen the reality of his disorder.

12. THE RAGER flies off the handle for little or no provocation. Has a severely disproportionate overreaction. Childish tantrums. His rage can be intimidating. He wants control, attention and compliance. In our hurt and confusion we struggle to make things right. Any reaction is his payoff. He seeks both good or bad attention. Even our fear, crying, yelling, screaming, name calling, hatred are his objectives. If he can get attention by cruelty he will do so. 
Defense Strategy: Manage your responses. Be fully independent. Don't take the bait of his verbal abuse. Expect emotional hurt. Volence is possible.

13. THE BRAINWASHER is very charismatic. He is able to manipulate others to obtain status, control, compliance, money, attention. Often found in religion and politics. He masterfully targets the naive, vulnerable, uneducated or mentally weak.
Defense Strategy. Learn about brainwashing techniques. Listen to your gut instinct. Avoid them.
14. THE RISK-TAKING THRILL-SEEKER never learns from his past follies and bad judgment. Poor impulse control is a hallmark. 
Defense Strategy: Don't get involved. Use your own good judgement. Say No. 
15. THE PARANOID NARCISSIST is suspicious of everything usually for no reason. Terrified of exposure and may be dangerous if threatened. Suddenly ends relationships if he anticipates exposure or abandonment. 
Defense Strategy: Give him no reason to be suspicious of you. Let some things slide. Protect yourself if you anticipate violence.

16. THE IMAGE MAKER will flaunt his 'toys', his children, his wife, his credentials and accomplishments. Admiration, attention, even glances from others, our envy or our fear are his objective. He is never satisfied. We see his arrogance and haughty strut as he demands center stage. He will alter his mask at will to appear pitiful, inept, solicitous, concerned, or haughty and superior. Appears the the perfect father, husband, friend - to those outside his home. 
Defense Strategy: Ignore his childlike behaviours. Know his payoff is getting attention, deceiving or abusing others. Provide him with 'supply' to avert problems.
 
17. THE EMOTIONAL VACUUM is the cruellest blow of all. We learn his lack of empathy. He has deceived us by his cunning ability to mimic human emotions. We are left numbed by the realization. It is incomprehensible and painful. We now remember times we saw his cold vacant eyes and when he showed odd reactions. Those closest to him become objectified and expendable. 
Defense Strategy: Face the reality. They can deceive trained professionals. 
18. THE SAINTLY NARCISSIST proclaims high moral standing. Accuses others of immorality. "Hang 'em high" he says about the murderer on the 6:00 news. This hypocrite lies, cheats, schemes, corrupts, abuses, deceives, controls, manipulates and torments while portraying himself of high morals. 
Defense Strategy: Learn the red flags of behaviour. Be suspicious of people claiming high morals. Can be spotted at a church near you.

19. THE CALLING-CARD NARCISSIST forewarns his targets. Early in the relationship he may 'slip up' revealing his nature saying "You need to protect yourself around me" or "Watch out, you never know what I'm up to." We laugh along with him and misinterpret his words. Years later, coping with the devastation left behind, his victims recall the chilling warning. 
Defense Strategy: Know the red flags and be suspicious of the intentions of others. 

20. THE PENITENT NARCISSIST says "I've behaved horribly, I'll change, I love you, I'll go for therapy." Appears to 'come clean' admitting past abuse and asking forgiveness. Claims we are at fault and need to change too. The sincerity of his words and actions appear convincing. We learn his words are verbal hooks. He knows our vulnerabilities and what buttons to push. We question our judgement about his disorder. We can disregard "Fool me once..." We hope for change and minimize past abuse. With a successful retargeting attempt, this N will enjoy his second reign of terror even more if we allow him back in our lives. 
Defense Strategy: Expect this. Self-impose a "No Contact" rule. Focus on the reality of his disorder. Journal past abusive behavior to remind yourself. Join our support group.
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AVAILABLE RESOURCES
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Rape Abuse and Incest victims can contact:
Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network
(800) 656-4673  (HOPE)
             www.RAINN.org
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This site was formerly Family Violence Prevention Fund which includes children and other family members (elderly included!)
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Things Men can do:
           www.acalltomen.org
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Suicide Prevention is also important, as the abuser generally takes his/her own life after attempting,
if not KILLING the victim(s)! 
(800) 273 - 8255 (TALK)  OR (800) 784 - 2433 (800-SUICIDE)


  Thanks for stopping by!

Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.... {Sri Chinmoy}
"Never mind searching for who you are...search instead for who you aspire to be!" {writer Robert Brault}
If you wish to contact me, email me here: Therese@loveshouldnthurt.ne
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